“A Prayer for Peace in the Waiting: Longings, Uncertainty, and Surrender

Dear Father,

You see me right now—You see my heart, tangled with conflicting feelings. I'm wondering… am I rushing ahead of You in this issue of a husband? Why does the longing for a family suddenly feel so intense? I ask You, Lord, help me to build a full and joyful life in singleness, one that doesn’t ache with such longing. Your Word says hope deferred makes the heart sick, and I feel that deeply. Help me take things one day at a time, Lord. I don’t want to borrow sorrow from tomorrow.

Give me the confidence to believe that I can do my job well. Help me to be attentive and responsible—to keep track of my keys, to grasp quickly what I need to know. I ask You boldly: may I be granted this six-month contract, oh God. I need it. I’m weary of this loneliness, Father. Help me fill my weekends and evenings with things that bring me joy and connection. I don’t want to return to Texas. I don’t want to go back to my parents’ home. Please, Lord, help me plant my life here. Teach me to be content in this season.

Your Word says, “Let the peace of God guide you.” I feel torn when I think about settling. I know in my spirit I’d be compromising if I chose him. I desire a man who is educated, who fears You, and who doesn’t have a child. Am I asking for too much, Lord? Am I being impatient, or just honest with what my heart desires?

I feel like I’m living in two worlds. I want to dedicate my life fully to ministry—to biblical counseling and evangelism—but I’m still in transition. Father, I don’t even know what I’m truly asking... maybe I’m just venting. When will my life be stable, oh God? When will I own my home? I pray this new job opportunity comes through. Let Thursday come and go with good news.

Help me believe that I truly can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Right now, my life feels scattered, but I choose to trust that it is in Your hands and You are guiding every step. Heal my nervous system, Lord. Calm my frayed and anxious thoughts. I long for the day when I can begin that new opportunity and be settled, at least until December.

Should I even throw a birthday party in December, Lord? I don’t know. I ask for confirmation. This week, I’m fighting with faith. Am I chasing a unicorn in a man? Can I meet someone as spiritually mature as I am? Sometimes I feel like an alien in this world—“in it, but not of it.” When will my heart be at rest?

To feel things so deeply is a gift… and sometimes a burden. Oh, the relief it would be to pay off this debt! You promised I would do things right this time, and I’m holding onto that hope. You tell me to be strong and courageous. Help me to be, Lord.

Your Word says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I want to believe that. Faith isn’t the absence of anxiety—it’s the flame that refuses to go out, even when the winds howl. Help me keep that flame burning, Father.

I don’t want to live in this country anymore. I want simplicity. To unburden my life. No multiple emails. No constant overwhelm. I want to pay off my debt, build my home in Ghana, and raise my children in peace, far from the darkness I feel pressing in here. Let it be so, Father. May it be in Your perfect will and time.

I love my family deeply, but I know I have to walk my own path. I surrender. I cannot do this life without You. When I feel like I can’t go on, You remind me that I am more than able. If I survived and thrived in 2023, I can surely do it again.

And Father… did that conversation really just happen? Did I really talk to a man about You and Your Word for an hour? It feels surreal. I don’t want to get excited, not yet. It feels peaceful, but I’ve been disappointed before. Please guard my heart. A man who loves You, obeys You, and is celibate? Lord, help me not to get my hopes up, only to have them dashed. I place it all in Your hands.

I trust You with my longings, my future, and my heart. Amen.